i am looking to find a publisher for this....
i can write 18,000 words like this a week when properly motivated
HEY THERE GEORGEY
GIRL!
I think I improved
the first one here, but it came in long at 591 words, because some
stories take longer to tell. Let me tell the stories my way at your
price or pay me more!
I will, of course,
please my woman, because that is how my DNA was gentically
engineered, for servitude.
But there is a limit
to the padding which interferes with the story and frankly, there is
only so much you can say about a ball-gag, and then another ball gag,
and then another. I am going to write the 500 words as you wish and
inject what you wish injected into these stories because that is what
I am for you, a wish come true.
I am This is what
you get when you wish, something that for all intents and purposes
fulfills the wish, but in a different form that you ever imagined !
This is because the
cosmic gods who satisfy wishes have a twisted sense of humor.
I amthe living
embodiement of Loki and the other mad gods dancing away on mushrooms
laughing through life, drinking all the wine and disappearing in the
woods to frolic with the nymphs...you know this on a cellular
level...
hold on to your hat,
I am also a business consultant, which is deiiferent from being a
contracted writer at UpWork,,,,,
here is me the
business consultant who took your ideas and our conversattion TO THE
NEXT LEVEL.....
this is the buisness
partner stuff. Once I have stisfied your word contract at upwork we
can agree to part companty or to continue forever on future writing
projects or not...
please read that I
beefed up SOME of the the short ones-
I have ideas for
marketing and advertisements
for instance in the
BLACK BULLET SCENARIO (which I am absurdly proud of) I reched a sort
of crossover marketing moment
do you think I
should be contacting the named famous poker player via FB ?
Or should I wait
I will defer to your
postiion, do you have an email I could give him incase it comes up in
conversation though?
I think you should
have an option for music, maybe a pop up for your website “music?
When you hit music
and read the decriptions you get the full effect
I will link products
togeter of make it obvious where links should be as I START NAMING
OTHER PRODUCTS that I have written about...incorporating them into
the narrative of other toys...letting people find other word of mine,
but not making it too easy...that will be the book
I am simultaneously
writin a book about writing porn for money that could easily become a
blog, which links to your page, when I refer people from HARRYS RUGBY
SEX BLOG you will pay me a commission when they buy and this will
also provide a futher base for other products like the vaping studd
as well as offering you a legal level of protection as I can write
some batshit crazy stuff on deeper pages of that project and you are
not involved and you warned me....
for this work
above---- I would likeyou to consider hiring me for a year as an
staff writer and paying me a flat fee of 200 dollars for the year.
This fee will be in addition to the contracted rates on UPWORK, we
need to keep paying me through them just because I am an honorable
man. This 200 gets me sending you word units of this length weekly,
on topics of your choice. I could do documents of this length and
quality for you but this also covers the consulting fee of 200 which
I think is a fair price for the suggetions here and future
suggestions later on in this document that I am sure will keep you
happy.
The thing is, you
wanted 500 words about blow job candy...thats not easy and you will
get them. It will just take longet than I thought.... and to insure
that I can eat and get a plane ticket from mexcio to las vegas I need
you to consider the 200 pesos as money well spent.
Especailly when you
send a copy of some of these to THE BUNNY RANCH and we do some
product testing with the whores there and reboot their reality show
with some HARRY FLAVOR and if I cant get laid in whore house, there
is something wromg with me..
you can ask them if
they want to do some product testimonials for the vaping and for the
blow job rings and whatever...you are the cpitalist, I am the hot new
writer out of the fever nightmares of chales bukowski -hunter s
thompson and -phillip k. dick. Thoughts are things , after all...you
create your reality by the feedback loop of thoughts and affirmations
that you tell yourself all day long and you are just my capitalist
vehicle to the next level, or we can agree to work together for a
year at bargain basement prices.....
this is my year
I have Las vegas
squarely in my sights.
You were lucky to
meet me when I was broke and hungry and living I mexico.
What you do now is
to you...
USERS GUIDE TO 25
BUCKS OF HARRY
IF THE DESCRIPTION
comes in at 500 words, it is mostly edited and the way I want it. It
has been copied into my book proposal and possible weblog thing as
mentioned above..
if they are short I
didnt get to them yet and these are areas where you input can be
added.
Please...it is your
baby...i am just the nbabies massuese..trying to massage some fun out
of industry that should be fun, but is cravenly capitalistic and
dead...like a zombie.
When I "accidently"
left my rugby kit bag open at practice, the malingering brutes who
were too sore to practice quickly discovered my Renegade Men's
Pleasure Kit. They were full of derision at first, obviously. These
are big strong manly men. But you may not be surprised that there is
a hidden constituency of Olympic-level of jerk-offs, and secret
thrill seekers whose very motivation to play the game is a death-wish
that they sublimate within the contexts of sport. This death wish
manifests itself in many ways through physical and metnat courage,
what they call heart and gamesmanship, and giving as good as you get.
I was always the type to return force with savagery. It made the game
simple. I got primal and bit people and established my own little
eco-system in the front row with myself frimly established as the
alpha, the apex predator, the lion King or pretty damned close. There
were actual times in my career that I shared top-billing, because
this world is wide and there are is no shortage of violent, athletic,
determind men who will go there. So many of my team-mates had a
differetn destination in mind, and it is these ones who sought me
out, privately, as I knew they woul.d I have been selling sex toys to
rugby teams for twenty years now. They all revert to type, sooner ot
later. It's just you gotta figure out whether they were breast fed by
a rabis she wolf, or were weaned on governmetal supplied milk-like
product. Theres a difference, obviously.also play this game and I
knew they would seek me out privately in the future.
The RENEGADE, a
combination black anal kit spoke to some of them. The others were
wrned off by one of my patented sub-vocal snarls, the don't make me
fuck you up look. Now there are a few more rugby players who are
wrapping themselves in these super-stretchable triad rings or
plugging and stroking their way to heretofore unseen levels of
pleasure. And with the special bonus code I provided them with, they
were also helping build Youth Rugby. People, especially the kind of
asocial, violent brutes that are attracted to the violence of the
game LOVE the Renegade's Men's Pleasure Kit. The triad Rings are
stretchy and, made of safe easy to clean silicone which are bound
together to restrict you in almost the same way your mum used to in
the bathtub. “no you won't pee in the tub you wicked boy!” They
are made of a smooth medical grade silicone with just the right
firmness. A flared plug spade, flared at the bottom, permits safe and
fun play.When you are clamping your fingers tightly around the
Stroker you can let your wild horses run free, as someone sang about
in a song, many years ago.... All composed of body safe materials, of
course. This is the ideal package to dispove the heresy that men are
not able to multi-task. This is the way to define for the world that
your bosy is a sensual playground and you are riding all the ride,
because, well, you are the Renegade this was named after, you cheecky
lad! Show them a new version of reality as you use all three at once
and follow this nasty pleasure ride rabbit hole to the end! Works
with all lubricants. Product dimensions ring 6.6 inches by 2.2 inches
b 0.4 inch. Stroker 5 inches by 2.5 inches by 1.8 inches. Plug 4
inches by 2.7 inches 1.1inches. Materials
This is the
nightmare of my life. Thisis how I pay the bills typing up fever
dreams at a rapid rate in this sweltering Yucatan nightscape of cats
in heat, mosquitos with Dengue fever, mariachi music, drunken
neighbors and burning plastic. The neighbors across the street love
to sit in the acrid smoke as it is a safe haven from the voracious
bugs. I had a hard time with this next product as it seemed sole
designed for the pedarest market. Gummy rings? Really? Though
nauseated, I typed on, your stalwart employee finally finding a job
to really hate with a passion for valid reasons this time. But, money
being the issue it is, soldiering on...
Liquored Up Gummy
Pecker Cock Rings Code: WT2866
“I hate the
taste of your weiner,” was the number one complaint of my young
girlfriend, many years ago, when I still believed in girlfriends.
Then what I call the Gummy Pecker cock ring miracle occurred. I made
eye contact with her and told her how beautiful she was and that I
loved her. I kissed har and she kissed me back. She told me that I
was getting her horny because she was very easy to kiss with her
younrg firm shirt cantelopes pressing against me as her pointy
toungue darted into my mouth hungrily. and her soft full lips. I
pulled away and asked her in a playful voice “Do you like candy
little girl?” and reached into my pocket of miracles, The Pecker
rings. I told her to shut her eyes, just do it, I have a suprise for
you, still gently kissing her. I unzippeed, slipped one of the rings
on and guided her hand down. She opened her eyes and asked, “what's
that on my friend?” That is the adorable thing about dating a young
women they like to name your sex, this girl called my sex “her
friend” . I told that I had had an accident and caught her friend
in my zipper. That there was some scarring and I hoped that she would
be tender with her injured friend and it sure would help if she gave
him a little kiss. Of course the cock ring was her favorite flavor.
Now SHE buys them for me! The miracle occurred, the problem of
reluctant pecker gobbling has been solved by science and sugar, with
this fantastic invention, sure to be up for a Nobel peace prize this
year. Peace in the domicile. Peace and harmony in wedded bliss. This
patented miracle cure to a decided lack of head in your life is yours
for the amazingly low price shown below. So ship the funds in the
amount listed below and begin awaiting the postman with a fervor that
has been missing in your life. It is like bing a kid waiting for
Christmas and your birthday and Saint Crispin's day all wrapped up
into one! When that cuniformed civil servant arrives you will surely
be the recipient of a hurricane of BELOW jobs, given cheerfully and
without the litany of cumplaints you normally receive. “that smells
like cheese!” “I hate the taste of old man wood!” and “get
that stinky fuck stick out of my face you PREEV” are not sitting
atop the dustbin of history,ntimate play time takes on a whole new
Sexy Twist when you slip on one of these great tasting Slip one of
these super stretchy miralces on and sit back as you BJ buddy enjoys
the tasty dliciousness of Bahama Mama, Mai Tai, and Strawberry
Daiquiri. Super duper candied stretchy fun! One size fits all. It's
like a gummi bear blow job. NO GUMMI BEARS WERE HARMED IN THE MAKING
OF THIS PRODUCT!
I was able to
inject some fun into the next one at least. Unicorns are fun.
Thermoplastic Rubber
Jewel Butt Plug Small Code: 3000011224
Baby you are a
star with this jeweled ornament designed to live in your butt for
long periods of time, maybe even a whole workday! By taking this out
into the world with you, you will walk around the world with a secret
smile and the confidence that true stars possess. The unearthly calm,
the brilliance, the contentment. Even the most atrociaous boss is an
afterthought! Those of you that look so darn hot in your yoga pants,
listen up! Yes you, Yoga people. It is possible for you to earn a
little extra money over the holidays with this ornament as a specail
kinky Christmas tree. You will start at a downward facing dog and
then inch up onto your elbows until the chritmas tree shape is
achieved. Have a human chritmas tree party at your safe space and
look around in wonder at the true meaning of chritmas spirit. I mean
really, if you are going to shove something up your ass why not make
it SPARKLY FUN? You are a Princess and this is your Liz Taylor
moment. This is your ANAL HOPE DIAMOND, but with out all the lgendary
bad luc. Man, I wish they paid me enough to seriously edit these
fever dreams of mine, but I have been directed to simply blast
through and tap into my unconscious for a flow and series of
associations sent directly from my muse and that is what I do. I'm a
good employee with a sparkling butt, listening to Jewell on the Cd
player.
Seriously,
though, I know the name of the manufacturer, 'Steel Power Tools' kind
of seems to actually chases the unicorns away. Butt, unicorns love
sparkly ass -play, do the research, go ahead, by going to wikipedia
and checking unicorn/anal/entry/steel. You will see unicorns also
love steel.
This unicorn
friendly appliance is a sleek, modern plug made of high grade
stainless steel. Put in in the freezer for extra special arctic
adventures. Some have called this the “perfect addition to your
anal adventures.” What could be more hygenic that industrial grade
stainless steel? Nothing says anal romance like this as a suprise
valentine's gift. Easy to clean, but hard to take out, because you
will want your body to incorporates it, like a scab and grow around
it like those pine trees in that forest that have bikes in them now.
The Jewell butt ornament is the perfect adventurer's iconic
accompaniment, like Indiana Jone's whip. What else do your think was
in that pouch of his? Remember the scene in the Anal Aztec Temple
when he replaces the bejeweled Mayan Buttplug with the bag of sand?
The Jewel Buttplug is body safe, built for memories and being made of
steel like your favorite superheros, of course this is built to last.
Explore your one inch diameter sparkly butt play pal and start by
inserting one inch, then build to five. Washing is a snap with warm
soapy water.
As I rewrite
these drafts, drafts that should have been enough for a porn peddler,
especially at the insulting price I agreed to, I once again am
engaged in the etrnal wrestling match for control of my soul. I am a
bad employee or a great employee. There is no middle ground. If I
love my job there is a bubble of giddy professionalism surrounding me
with just the barest hint of eternal connection to truth and maybe
some greatness. I have been That Guy before. Knowing that the words,
gestures and actions of the day would echo in the memories of my
students, my customers or whatever audience I had before me who were
clapping at my carefully arranged nouns or Hooting at my terrible new
Karaoke lyrics and styling. I have had the perfect job before many
times. Jobs that felt right, that made me feel like I was exactly
where I was supposed to be, valuable, engaged, dynamic. I will not
work 'just a job' anymore. I have to take it to that nextr level of
fabulous so I am not faced with the eternal worker's untlimately
demeaning question, “What is my price to sell out?”
I may have
found a work around with this next entry. This also might be the one
that makes her tell me we are no longer in business. She liked my
imagination and she asked for stories, sexy stories, so I tried, but
the truth came out again, darn this word typing machines integrity
software system! So I may have crossd lines here but that is what I
do. That is one of the pillars of Harry the Employee keeps his sanity
and one of the things bosses just have to deal with if we are going
to work together. I have to be allowed to be the crazy one, and if I
am writing descriptions for porno toys for pennies, my boss HAS to be
happy with output like this...
Ultimate Personal
Shaver for Woman Code: 3000011065
Every Thursday,
for as long as we have been together, my girlfriend and I have shaved
each other in the bathroom in order to prepare for the weekend rush
at the whorehouse we both work in that is called a 'gentleman's club”
on the sign out front. Our clients love to discover our little bald
beavers and the increase in tips when we dance is enough for a car
payment most weekends. Let's face it. We are working in a business
where we need to maximize the earning potential of our pussies and
every lie we tell in that end is just another lie to file under the
heading, “we were just following order.” the orders given by the
marketplace whose cold reality dictates that the younger, fresher
girls get the most money, followed by the chesty round ones, followed
by the dancers and exotics and so on, down to the bottom rung of the
food chain, the Down For Anything chicas, who can rival our fresh
faces in earning if they are true to their title's. What my
girlfriend Soon Yi and I realized from the beginning is that if we
truly wanted to make the most money we would be fresh faced and
lovely and dirty little whores all at the same time and make enough
money in two years to put this repulsive nightmare of existence
behind us with the professional help of therapists and an aggressive
protfoilo of vcation renatl properties and IPO's. With any luck the
one Ipo could get us out earlier. Me and Soonie thought we were ready
for anything that first shaving session. Our first night at work.
Giggling we started on each others soft Asian bushes with the ultimat
personal Shaver systems that live up to their ad hype. They are state
of the art and built to last. These lare designed for women. (What
they mean is they are smaller to fit in our tiny doll-like hands.
)“China-Doll' is the name I will miss the least once we reitre. The
stencils that come in the kit are a nice touch, I really love the
peace sign and the bunny but thats not in our sales script yet, we
might use them if our careers stretch to year three. Our script is to
be the young chinese whores straight off the boat, just recently
human trafficked and Fresh, freshness is the key. Sooyi and I always
talk in halting little girl English when negotiating with the marks.
“ees dat REEgal?”s. This starts with the DJ who says give it up
for our latest addition “sexy soozie chen” fresh out of dance
school and fresh out of Taiwan China where she was the brightest
English student in her class. Her unique dance moves were taught to
her on the yacht ride she took over here with her millionaire family
and she ran away from them just last week as soon as she cleared
customs and came to live with her sister Soon Yi.
.
Continuing to
push the limits of my boss I cackled out loud while writing and
editing this gem. She wanted celebrities? She gets them in this
missive. Hopefully I stayed within the limits of protected speech as
this is clearly satire or pardody or something, but I had better get
this to a publisher soon before Trump guts the very idea of Freedom
of Speech.
5-Ass Blaster Anal
Tail 3 In Black Code: N2735-2
£20.99
This will be the best 20.99 you have ever spent! This huge,
rigid but forgiving, “black sperm looking thing with a handle”
,this Ass Blasting pleasure device, will become your Black Anal
Express card. You and Jay z, baby! You will not want to leave home
without it. This luxurious Tapered black butt plug comes with a
flared base that has so much Flair, you will be transported to your
favorite movie about a young bartender trying to make it in the big
city, all alone, before he found the magic religion concieved of by a
tax-dogdging Science Fiction icon who hadd a week long Peyote binge
and ended up inventing a religion. Laughing his ass off on his boat
full of tight white trousered boys and girl, floating in
International waters, he noticed something. These young minds were
pliable and conditioned to believe and maybe there wa a way to take
this scam to even greater levels of piracy. Butt piracy.
You will say “ ARR” llike the salty butt pirate you 'arr'
when you jam this toy a little too quickly and without lube into your
poo trench. So use lube, or supper the consequences of capricious,
unthinking, impulsive butt piratry. I'm not sayin' Johhnny Depp
sneers at people who use lube, you did not hear that from me, I don't
even know the guy. Back to the other movie a business minded
bartender with a megawatt smile and dimple. In the big city
devestated by his mentors sad suicide on a house boat. This dudes
lawyers and hotshot legal team of religious whack jobs can only be
referred to OBLIQUELY. I may have said to much alreadu=y, so lets
flip the script again. If I'm going to get sued let's let one of my
old my friends profit.
When I worked at a corporate restaurant that made us wear
shirts with the same striped pattern as the table cloths, we had a
bartender's night. There was a movieout about bar FLAIR featuring the
corporation in a good light. We were to be inspired. Our bar manager
Clete Tyler.( “Hey Clete! I'm an author!” ) chaperoned us there
and 'bought' dinner. After the movie Clete asked “so dog, are you
inspired?' I answered that I was just about as inspired as a piece of
coroporate furniture could be since they dressed us like tables.
Clete pointed out that I was wrong. That the table cloths were n't
required to have pieces flair.
Speaking as a
satified user I could say that I truly felt like I was Cruise-ing
along in throes of anal ecstacy that broke over me like waves on the
Thamme's river, that's what I would say. The flared base is more
helpful in anal toy removal than an efficient maid named Harriet was
in a house full of curious teenage mess machines. The flaring means
out pops that weasel! The tail is what makes it look like Darth
Vader's sperm. I could say that if I had used the product. I would
say it if it was true. Make English work for you with subjective
clauses, classes start at 200 pesos for a three hour seminar with two
experienced English teachers. With different English Experiences...
Emogag Wink Emoji Ball Gag Code: SLI159-1
There is
nothing sexier than a bound obese Wall Street titan helpless before
you, chained to a tree in your back-yard with this playfull emoji
winking ball gag saying, subtextually, “Hey this is all just for
fun, now shut your capitalist clap trap and prepare for boarding
sir!” Permission to cum aboard, indeed.
The playful humor stems from the fact that this is one of the
one percent, here in your backyard, ready and willing to be defiled
by you and the rest of the motorcycle club a paticular kinky Wall
Street Titan willingly assenting to become the Mr. Bukkaki poster
boy, 2017. Get those photos and essays in for this years contest as
the contest is heating up. As usual, you must provide a video tape of
your titan of industry assenting to the ass play to keep the pesky
FBI out of your hair. Order the lawyer proof affadavit kit here at
www.ImassfuckingyourCEO.com
and let the fun begin.
This sterile PVC ball gag is very smooth and a little soft fot
dental dentures. The best part of the joke is that there was some
millionaire somewhere thinking that he would be getting revenge on
his teen girlfriend for texting him nothing but emojis back when they
all looked like this :) :( etc. Then he got her pregnant and she need
a job and this is her first product. The conversation went like this
at the board meeting. “yes tiffany, wyou have a new prodcut line?”
“Yea, you know when I used to send you those emojis in texts back
when I was underage, but you made me pregnant and we had that quick
ceremony in North Carolina where it's legal to marry your cousin and
teenagers?” “yea” “Well remember how you would punish me for
confusing you when you got home from work, by savagely pounding my
rectum? Well I was thinking, ya know, lets take it to the next level
and put emojis on ball gags, since you say women should all stay
silent and all” ”honey pants you're a genius!”
The rope on the gag can be tightened to any desired level of
delicious discomfort. Fuck him or her in the ass he way a CEO fucks
the environment while grunting “anal warming is a myth hunh?
Motherfucker?” Make sure you have the releases signed before the
more brutal members of the biker club join in and make sure
that,since he is gagged you, have a safe word in sign language that
everyone knows! Wink Wink!
This also works
with your playful gentle lesbian encounters or in the privacy of your
marital bed when you just want to try something different. Ball gags
were invented by the Spanish Inquisition to punish bad business men,
I was just being historically accurate here, do your own thing and
know that this cute winking emoji also looks great as a writband at a
rave! Wink wink! Waterproof and phthalte free, of course!
The Mens Brief
With Open Crotch, Code: 2131919; Mens Brief With Open Crotch is a
Black 2 piece pants
that are crotchless, with hemmed edges. This garment is a sexy little
secret that you can decide to share, or shyly not disclose to the
world as is your right in a free society. These are highly
recommended for people whose balls and junk are just so huge that all
manner of underwear seems terribly restrictive, like the author of
this product description, for instance. How many times I wished for
something like this and one day I found them and my life changed
towards the positive forever. I stopped shooting herion the day after
these arrived in my mailbox in non-discrete packaging that said in
Bold black two inch high letters on neon pink packaging “ harry's
sex shop, fulfillment department.” Let your freak flag fly and be
proud of yourself. The postman is now a great buddy of mine for some
reason.
The prototype
for these game-changing even briefer briefs were designed in Scotland
to combat the pro underwear movement that swept the wee nation like
wild fire in the 1600's after one of the Princesses caught an eyefull
on a windy Scottish during a Militray parade in her honor and she
complained to the king of England who was just looking for an excuse
to send in his men to do some more pillaging and populace control in
and around Edinbourough. The possiblity of troops coming, yet again,
sent many plucky a Scot, fed up with andom seeming royal edicts to
sea. These brae bend but don't break types were tired of Draconian
laws that limited freedom of expression in use of undergarments. Many
of them emigarted to Nova Scotia, which is the true home of the
beating heart of a group of freedom fighters who call themselves the
Last Real Scottish Tribes of yore. Men whose ancestors we the models
used by the stars of the movie Bravehart. Men who toss cabers. Men
who believed with all their hearts in lasting and close personal
relationships with their flocks. Men with two or three weather
dependant names for each and every piece of walking mutton on the
grassy ocean facing hills of New Scotland. And now they are
Canadians. Canadians who are among the most reasonable people in the
world, open minded almost to a fault. Ready to pitch in and help
their neighors with the sheep shearing and sheep dipping and ready to
go out in boats to hunt down the last remaining codthat were
devestated by terrible Canadian fishing treatings with Japanese
trawlers who dragged the bottom of the oceans in their rapacious need
to kill every living thing in the ocean, lately evidenced by the fact
that the Fushiaki reactor is still pumping millions of gallons of
irradiated water into the oceans as you read this.
Buy these for
you lover, your boss or anyone else you might think has large junk.
They will thank you. Oh yea, they are sexy looking.
Durex Intense
Vibrations Cock Ring Code: DINTVIBE Durex Intense Vibrations – You
may have heard about these little beauties in hushed whispers in the
back of your local strip joint. The legend is true. These are the
reason that my cousin Franklin, who patented the technology behind
these befoe signing the patent over to Durex, was so popular at strip
clubs in the later part of 2015. this was the highlight of my life,
helping with what he called “guerilla field testing“ of the
prototypes. For that six-month period Franklin and his posse, which
often included yours truly, were genuine strip club royalty. Durex
Intense Orgasmic Range
My cousin
Franklin designed the The Durex Intense Vibrations specifically to
make shared climaxes a reality. He would walk to the back, the DJ
would put on his
John Lennion saong and he would sing as he
dropped trou and put the vibrating cock ring on, singing:
“Some people
saaaay im a dreamer,
but I'm not the
only one,
hey girl check
what's on my wang please,
And
gir-her-her-hirll we will come as one.”
Sitting one of
these modern marvels along the at the base of your penis in the VIP
room at the strip club is akin to a feeding frenzy off the shores of
Austrailia. Out beyinf the barrier reef where where 25 foot monsters
rip sperm whales to shreds if they sense weakness in an injured
leviathan.
The vibrating
ring teases, pulses and tantalizes. Those strippers who have
experienced it and those that have only heard about it quickly totter
towards you atop 6 inch heals at high speed, risking a broken ankle
for a ride on one of these bad boys, and by extension you. These
things keep doing their satisfaction thing for up to 20 minutes as it
throbs and glances and rubs against the clitoris. A pair os
incredibly young Asian strippers got the idea of using them on each
other, putting them on both hands and all over each other on the main
stage after closing. What these sisters were doing to each other was
beyond belief and they were so innocent and clean that we almost
belivesd the stories about them that circulated like wildfire in the
small community of bay area strip joints. Fingers probing and rubbing
and now focussing on the breasts and now of the bare skin around the
pristine looking pubis and whose idea was the massage oil, god damn
that was hot! These vibrating rings turned these fairly standard hot
shaven Asian money grubbers into insatiable sex fiends, first just
hungry for their own fingers and tongues into a full fledged orgy of
Sccubi straight form you wildest fantasies. Like with the austrailian
sharks there was soom no sperm left to be had, no one had any sperm
left when they limped home that morning. The girls walking bow-legged
like cowboys and all starting from a handful of GREATEST INVENTION IN
THE HISTORY OF MANKIND, the Durex Intense vibe whatever it's called.
While I am sure
that I satisfied the boss lady with the fantasy elements of this last
piece, I had a real problem facing me now, with this next item to be
described by Harry Baker, professional Prodcuts Descriptions, Ltd.
My job was to make jerking off into a wvacuum cleaner seem like not
only a great idea, but the best ideain the worls. It is a sad state
of affirs that I did not really want to address, but the rent must be
paid. This is exactly the kind of transaction that gives money such a
nasty reputation. This is not something that I would do for fun and
raises whole sad a terrible home movies of pathetic dejection in my
brain. They say you are what you do and my job seems to be turning me
into a thinly veiled promoter of unhealthy habits, like jamming
things into your ass and fucking vacumm cleaners. I could laugh and
say, 'I'm getting paid” but it isn't nearly enough. My subconscious
mind will surely rebel with some technicolor doozies in the upcoming
nights, which are sure to make me test my will power to stay sober.
This is the fifthe straight day of 100 degree temperatures here and I
am not getting used to it by any means. And that little sabatouer who
fouls up all my jobs is hard at work here. The game he is playing is
called mischevious compliance or willful negligence. Where the letter
of the directive is honored, to the detriment of th bosses interests.
It's a sneaky way of getting back at the boss. I can say I was trying
todo what you asked, i'm sorry baby.
Tenga Air Tech Twist
Tickle Reusable Vacuum Cup Masturbator Code: ATT-001
“TENGA is surely the most innovative company in this niche
business” reads my latest article. As the author of the monthly
newsletter Vacuum Masturbator weekly, it is my job to keep the large
international vacuum mastubations community updated on current events
and community issues. I maintain an internet message board for
this,and the newsletter is basically just the website printed out and
mailed to remote areas where some of the more reclusive members live,
off the grid, using solar power or steam to run their sex toys. As
you can well imagine, over the decade that I have been doing this, I
have seen vacuum masturbator machines come and I have seen vacuum
masturbation machines go. For as many years as I have been writing
this, it seems like not a week goes by before another 'miracle
masturbation machine' hits the market, full of hype and with blue
chip celebrity endorsements out the wazzo. Remember that awful Bay
Witch themed vaccuum marturbator promoted by pamela and david that
was supposed to be the “height of German precision engineering?”
Remember how they painted 666 on the side and promoted it as heavy
metal goes to the beach? Remember when it started ripping peoples
cocks off that were related to the Preseident of the United States of
America. Incidentally, that is the real reason why ole Jeb is no
longer a political name. He was maimed while trying to get his rocks
in the gueat room of the oval office. Rest Assured, this Tenga Twist
Air tech Tickle Reusable vacuum Cup Masturbator WILL ASSUREDLY NOT
Rip your penis off at the base and shred your vas deferens and part
of you ball sack. Won't happen. (With proper use) Read all
insructions and folow them. The industry learned a lot about limeted
us of power in the investigations of those terrible and avoidable
tragedies. Why anyone would hook a device like this to an industrial
strength shop vacuum is beyond me. George, believe it or not, is the
smart one.
To begin with,
the Tenga has a silky smooth textured masturbator cup. Then it has
varying chambers with ridges, nubs. Are you hard yet? We did not even
mention the pulsating sensual waves yet! This machined provides some
of the most intenseintense stimulation know tho this author and I am
an expert. You probably read my newsletter. You know I just wouldn''
come out and put my reputation on the line for anything but the best.
The TENGA is the TITS mate. and please,PLEASE ! DO NOT UNDER ANY
CIRCUMSTANCES PAIR THE TENGA WITH A SHOP VAC!!
Featues include;
Adjustable air pressure control -5
different sensations to explore – a simple twist to operate
An additional suction flow air hole
near the tip to facilitate and control pressure
Just open the box,and let her rip!
TENGA LUBE IS INCLUDED IN THE PRICE!
Lastly the removable
sleeve means fast and easy cleanup, every time!
Think she will
notice the filler material in the last one? I really don't care. You
get what you pay for and market forces have determined my pay scale
as I eagerly took this shitty paying job and am so mad at myself for
doing it but it is sort ODF collecting a momentum now. I am closing
in on my first 25 dollar payment. I hjust needed to make things
hotter, talk about sexy things like yoga pants and strippers and try
to talk about the products more. I am an imprtant part of a new porn
empire. I think what she whould do is roll out these specail
descriptions one at a time and put them out there in some forum
somewhere to promote divergent literary voices, but maybe that is my
job. I do have an idea for musci on her website that I can try to
sell her as a consultant like. Maybe a link to all of the ones that I
have written is a feature that can come up or a way to search for my
words among her 5000 items is the future of our relationship. They
will talk about this as my “broke period,” back when I was
working for pennies tossed from the rich man's coach, a street
urchin. I am waiting for the alleged self esteem to kick in where I
am supposed to fell pride for a jo weel done and it's concurrent
effects on my mood. Sill feeling mostly silly, but we are going tobe
talking about sometihg that I really have some expertise on next, so
maybe it can be typed up in less than 10 minutes, that is the nex
goal, for this to work it has to be 10 minutes or less on task and I
think I should log that. For business analysis reasons, for
production line fine-tuning and other stupid business efficiency
thing. Yea, iman efficiency expert now. Time Started. 14;09 end 14;36
almost perfect copy . 27 minutes is too long, but this is art! Now I
can itelligently set my rates to the place I want them. To be able to
afford hookers and blow.
Fist It Silicone
500ml Lubricant Code: PHA080 Silicone lubricant.
This silicon
miracle will have you himming Whitney Houstons most powerful love
Ballad to yourself as you slowly dab it on your pecker, in whtever
room you like to whack off in. you know you want it, hows that cool
gel feel on your thing there big guy? Maybe a dab behind the balls?
Oops, my finger slipped and now my finger smells like poo a little.
Hey thats kind of hot. Sing it Whitney Baby!
“learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all!”
One thing about
this lube that you should certainly know is that it was
scientifically designed for use for use with latex condoms and
gloves. As a matter of fact my doctor actually does uses it on all of
his rectal exams. He made some kind of comment about the chemical
makes up of it and that the elements in it were mostly inert, if not
beneficial. Always thinking about us, my doctor is a saint. But he is
also kind of a pervert. Trying to sidestep the Hippocratic oath. He
positions the distinctive jar on the stand so you cannot see the
label, but I think he tries to set it up and catch the real hard core
masturbators in his care. It would be kind of hot if I was interested
in 75 year old Buddy Ebsen looking dudes with a bawdy side.
This lube is
dermatologically tested, and also fat free! Other features include
its oclourlessness, it's odourlessness and ts lack of flavor. Sorry
Flavor Flav! No Flave, boooy. Speaking of older black guys, if my
doctor was old and black and looked exactly like. No strike that, if
my if my doctor WAS Morgan Freeman, on the other hand...l...I
...might consider “dating” outside my age group, outside my
preferred gender roles and outside my race. A trifecta of hot buttery
juices is flowing through me just thinking about that distinctive
voice saying buttery and lingering over each syllable or him telling
me to just go ahead on into the examination room thats it, yeah and I
want you to you to take off all of your clothes, put on a paper robe
and sit yourself on the examining tablre... did he linger on the
words 'want you?' No, you must be imagining that. Or did he? What's
that jar on the table? That's FIST IT! You horny old goat you, you
don't think that I noticed the distinctive jar, do you? Or do you
want me to notice? Is that your game, Morgan, well is it? Is the
better game to play it off and act innocent, shit does the doctor
somehow know I am a chronic marturbator? This is surely a pickle.
Pickle, NOOO! oh shit, now I am startting to get a hard on in the
doctor's office, what is THAT all about? Well, i'm done, where's that
novelty towel?
Keep
out of reach of children. Store in a cool, dark place
start time
1438-1508 and its
art...but 30 mins? Time for a shower break..
RO-80MM bullet BLACK
Fade in on a
smoking hot red head in yoga pants and a bustier which barely
contains her ample mammary glands. She is covered with freckles and
seems to be excited by something as she opens and shuts draws, checks
uner the bed. The camera caresses her buttocks semi sheer in the yoga
pants as she bend from the waist to check the other side of the bed.
She turns and you see god's most magnificent creation, the camel toe.
Camera lingers on the camel toe and the semi sheer yoga pants show a
thick, furry bush. This is commercial is for the irish late night TV
market to be shown during poker shows. Camers pans up her freckled
slim waistline, but oh the curve this bonnie lassie has, a brief peek
at the nipples again, the're clearly hars, an Irish burr calles
out...
GIRL; “ Darrrrr-lin' Have ye seen my Black Bullet? I need
an endorphin rush before this parent teacher conference, HONEY can
you hear me?”
Clumping up the stairs, dressed in the Irish national rugby
jersey, comes the poster boy for the healthy rugby life style...
EDITORS NOTE (see if you can get that ginormus blonde man frm 3 or
four years back, he was a right cracker!)
HIM“here ya go hunny, im ginnae to wash this stink offa
me”
He tosses the bullet to his girlfriend, the BLACK BULLET
turns end over end like the bone did in that documentary by Stanley
Kubrick about the origin of our species, much more plausible that
Darwin's bullshit. You know, where the monkey touches the obelisk and
gains conciousness and three weeks later he invents velcro? The
oblisk that is the twin to the one n Phobos, the moon of Mars that
just showed up in the digital photos?
“HONEY what did you do to my BLACK BULLET/ It kinda smells
like poo, were you..?”
“Sorry honey cnaaee hear ye, the shower, whaa-at? “
“NEVERMIND”
GIRLturns to camera and says “ Ever since he found his
prostate gland, I kin never find my black bullet, and he returns it
all slimy, like” She takes some TOY CLEANER FRoM DESCRIPTION NUMBER
59 and uses it to clean the toy.
GIRL- “It's just a lack of consideration is all, these
Bullet jobbies are so easy to clean, you can use warm soapy water, or
this stuff. I should by right use the tap and give him a blast of
cold water, but I have my mind on something right now if you will
excuse me love” Camera starts to focus on her face which gets a
farway wistfuul quality to it beofere a soft focus fade out.
ANNOUNCER;s voice comes in “These BLACK BULLETS are fun for
the whole family, with their sinful settings sure to provke unlimited
ecstacy with practice.” “Seven Sinful Settings” “Very
portable and discrete, people will just think you are an arms dealer
or something.
Cut to WILL KASSOUF ENGLISH POKER CELEBRITY who made a ddep
run in the World Series of Poker Main Event and got plenty of face
time “I Love Black Bullets!” holding 2 aces...Get Will Kassouf on
the phone, or call his agent or even better, start an advertising
agency with him and the manufacturer of the Black Bullet. Make this
commercial a low budget, viral video before the book comes out and
show that I have million dollar ideas all the time, but the profit is
for my side of the family, the explosive growth is like a kudzu of
weedy growth, unstoppable like a green invasion, the green will
retake the earth mudda faukkas! And this is what I should do every
mornig, this right here, hunched over the typer, so job one is to
connect two friends who would never meet in real life Mr. Rober A.
and the famous Mr. Will Kassouf. Do you have a little time for me
fellas? Just a few minutes to shoot the shit about an ad campaign? A
fun way to spread my wings into a game run by others from my hideout
in Mexico, manipulating the televised surreal world that is
transmitted down to me in Mexcio without the other layers of reality
repitition that makes the conditioning carrier wave take root and
turns us all into robots, OHMIGOD THIS ONE IS THINKING< SHUT THE
SIMULATION DOWN NOW!
Dillio Vibrating
Mini Sex Ball Code: PD5382-12 36
Blow this baby
up, and yup, get ready to go up up and away to unparalelled heights
of bouncy aerobic athletic orgams. Do you remember that little girl
who always hogged the bouncy toy at lunch? I mean every recess from
kindergarent through fifth grade? Sh e was bussed in from that
apocryphal town where no one was allowed to dance and we had to
include her in things, even though she was clearly from another
universe? How she seemed to enter a trance some times in the
cloakroom andd the eerie hi pitched keening noise she would make? We
weren't allowed to call her weird, because that was so 1975? Yes!
Her, well shae is all grown up now and filthy rich. She invented
this version on of her favorite playground toy on her 18th
birthday was awarded her very own US patent. Remember how when she
went to middle school and there wasn't a ball for her to bounce on
and she cried every day for a year straight, but this was the most
expensive Quakr school and their theory was that she would grow out
of it and they never told her parents anything about it because they
were paying for the new library and the Quakers are a very practical
religion. They might be opposed to was, but they are not opposed to
raising the war-mongers daughters and maybe the next generation will
grow out of it? Yea.....
Anywhoo,
please support chicks in the sciences and buy one for every woman in
your family like my Grandmother did. Obviously she is everyone's
favorite Grandma now. It's a kind of competition that the Grannies
have going on, and each year the girls in the family get bolder and
more outrageous gifts. This really ups the ante? This is so much more
better than a boring succession of spa days! I mean, there are just
so many ways to be pampered by strangers. This is a personal spa day,
for your vagina, whenever you want it. This is your own bouncy
spaceshp to the moon, this is the equivalent of Helen Keller's
breakthrough moment as played by Amereica's former sweetheart Sally
Fields yelling “WAWA WAWA” We are in uncharted waters here, where
could this possibly wind up?n Bounce your way across the universe on
this one girls! How am I supposed to write 500 words about basic toy
like this? A visually self explanatory idea? It;s a bouncy thing with
a dick on it. Nope, that's not the word goal, we have a contract. get
back at it! Well, that's why they pay me the nominal fee that I
receive. For gems like this, hmm, think, think think. Balls hould be
easy to write about, freak! Ahhh, how about another celebrity
endorsement? AS Fonzie says, “SIT ON IT!” (and enjoy the wild
workout!) Obviamente, no es una pelota ejerciso ordinare, es una amor
inflatable. Did I mention the multi-speed dial, yes I just did!Durex
Intense Ribbed And Dotted Condoms 6 Pack Code: DINT6
Fade in to a
purple lava lamp on a small table in the corner of a room, bubbling
and writhing sensously, in a darkened room. Mood lighting. There is a
rumble of faint thunder, the room shakes a little, a small amount of
dust comes from the ceiling.
The radio is
playing your favorite guilty pleasure crap pop music. “girl you
know it's true, OOO eux oooo,
MAN”...finishing song singing into ear of blonde knockout, (we
don't see his face). “Ich liebe du”
Camera pans
back to show her first. His hands are absolutely mauling her , she
loves it and is moaning, but she is crying. Shes gorgeous. This
couple on the couchare passionatly making out, like it's the end of
the world. He is wearing some sort of tan uniform. The camera
focusses on her. She is a stunning blonde with zepplins in her
sweater, she is saying, “Nein!, Nein!, Nein!” Camera pulls back
more and were are looking over his shoulder still and you hear his
voice.
“ I am
sorry to be telling you this Mein bischen kitten, Meine gatito
schoene. (EDITORS NOTE, GET AN UMLAUT IN HERE ON THE WORD SCHEONE FOR
ADDED REALISM)
“i am
truly shorry but der time machine is never wrong, I am afraid. The
future is a place of many wonders, like Zee lamp over there in the
corner? It is called lava and actually contains the essence of an
Hawaiian volcano love godess and transmits a message of cosmic love
for all as long as it is on. Soon there will be lava lamps on every
street corner, huge six foot things, transmitting the message of
cosmic universal love and then the world will really change my love.”
GIRL” but
it's not fair, your plan was perfect and now it is all coming apart
in front of us, all those lovely dreams you had and, it's just not
fair”
MAN” Eva,
Liebchen, how could I have ever imagined such beauty with the
schwirling and the wri-think(sic) und da, and the sublimated sensual
pleasures subliminally filling all any who gaze hypnotically into it.
A mass hypnotism thirty times more powerful than any we have invented
in our time.”
Durex Intense
Condoms help make sex better! They aredesigned for both users
pleasure as well as performing hygenic duties that we all must be
aware of when having sex with total strangers. The Durex allows you
to have your cake and eat it to, like that hitircal Queen wanted to,
before they led her to the Guillotine. These scum bags heighten
arousal and increase both particiapnts pleasure.They are are
lubricated with stimulating gel that scientifiaclly increases
sensitivity of her intimate areas. This is the single reason for
buying them. The lava lamp told you too. Must pleasure her. I am a
pleasure robot in service to the volcano goddesses every whim, I will
increase her sensitivity, I will toss her salad.If she enjoys it I
shall do it in lava we trust,” Girl you know it's true, I love you!
You are I long for, all I worship and adore. What can do for you,
volcano queen of lust?? How can I do your bidding....
In which I paint
a picture of the bunker and the last night on THIS Earth for adolph
and Hitler. The next series of ads will show Hitlers face and say
DUREX THE SCUMBAG of greatness, or thingslike that. Different
messages for different markets, of course.
Passion Katriss
Corset Code: PAKATCOR
Just take a
long look at her in the picture. What with the wet look and the mesh
corset? You feeling me? Who could resist this venus on a half shell?
What would you do if she showed up in your neck of the woods,
knocking onn your door in the middle of the night. Maybe its raining
and she is a little cold, not frightened though. You can see the
strength behind her eyes. She is just a victim of the weirdest luck
imaginable and she is knocking gently on your door. You are half
asleep and in the middle of an erotic dream, so you do not hear it at
first, In your dream you are playing volley ball for the gold medal.
Beach volleyball. It is the olympics. Dream logic puts you squarely
in the gold medal round and now it is up to you. But your tiny
uniform is not fitting quite right. It was designed for a much
smaller person and...
KNOCK KNOCK
KNOCK, louder. You are awake now and dis-oriented. Cming” you yell.
Coincidentally the radio is softly playing the justin Beiber song of
the same title. “I feel you coming, I feel you coming, I feel you
coming.” You clump down the stairway to the front door muttering to
yourself about your true feelings about just how stupid and catch
that song is and being awakened in the middle of the best dream ever
and who the hell can it be, its 3:20 in the morning for christ's
sake.
You open the
door still muttering. You are speechless. There she is, in her
Wetlook and mesh strappy outfit, The PASSION KATRISS CORSETT. You are
rendered speechless by the beautiful deign nuances of this corset
with adjustable suspender strap for just about any degree of sensual
sholders or body type. The fine people at the PASSION KATRISS CORSETT
COMPANY LTD. Have really outdone themselves with this little number.
Your eyes take her in from head to toe. You liner on the briefs,
briefly, the outfit comes with matching briefs! You remember you
manners and manage to find your speech center. There is a readout in
your mind like terminator. She asks “Can I use your phone please?”
The readout in
your head prints out her words in glowing read letters as she says
them, crawling along the top of the screen, a dialog prompt box opens
up, the heading is 'possible responses” the coices are 1. Fuck you
asshole! 2. Sure come on in, do you want a blanket or something? 3.
Marcy? Is that you? What happened? Get in here? 4. Is the Doctor with
you, what the hell? There are Daleks everywhere.
Welcome to the
choose your own Corsett advertisement sexy adventure series number
one. Simply select one reponse from the above menu, click on it and
your sensual crsett adventure will continue. You are a robot who has
escaped from the confines of the Westworld park and are being hunted
down ruthlessly by sexy killer robots from the park like this. WE are
filed testin this story kline in pornography adverts all across the
world, would you take a brief questionairee plase to help us with the
story line that got clunky when Anthony Hopkins insisted on taking a
bullet in the final episode of seaason one. It was a man who thinks
he's an acting god, playing a man who is an actual robot god being
shot by one of his creations and there it was on televsion and that
is only the beginning of the problems we face her in the writers room
at Westworld studios. We are a thousand monkeys trying to type out
the second season and we keep running into logical paradoxes so big
you can drive a truck through them and the heavy handed pure genius
of Sir Anthony Hopkins is not heloing things, he just does thing and
we at script have to scramble to make it cohesive, he goes off script
so many times that. that... That..end program 689 word limit...
Stockings not included….
I cna't get
these sex robots out of my mind. I guess that has been the plan from
the start of creation. Now life makes sense. We are in man hell, here
on Earth. Paying for a previous lifetime of sins. Surrounded by women
that are only interested in our money or our souls or our everlasting
love. That is the only way off this island in space, this floating
prison planet. Some of us get the idea and reformourselves and will
be allowed to plead our case for release to Source. Some of us have
inredeemable souls, like Mick jagger and the Pope who actually like
it here and plan to never leave, you can check out any time you want,
but you can never leave. This line from hotel california tells you
that suicide is an option, but then you will be back soon... I like
the gilligans island refernece in this next one, like I said I have
sex robots on my mind...Private Lexi Lowe Oral Orifice Masturbator
With Dildo Code: 8437015188256
PRODUCT TESTERS
NEEDED. These precision cast, anatomically correct porn star
recreation of Lexi Lowes mouth and tongue have been used on all of
the robots at the newset robot sex theme park opening soon in your
local saloon. Yes that's right we are franchising the concept.
Picture an old western saloon with a player piano and life like
sensual robots programmed only for your pleasure. Well, that's a few
years down the line unfortuanatly, but if you want to invest in the
prototype for the oral portion of the robot protagonists, then you
are in luck. Our team of oral engineers has worked for years on this
prototype mouth so that it meets up to Lexi Lowes high standars. She
would not put her name on it if this was just another plastic ziplock
filled with vaseline and then wrapped in another flesh colored
plastic bag with a built I heater, like other porn stars do. Lexi as
an artist with integrity. You can tell by reviewing her catalog of
films that she is an autuer of the highest quality. Every move she
makes is nuanced and laden with deep meaning and lastin value. I
know, I come from the future, and there is a whole religion based on
this sex toy that the a lucky few of you will be able to purchase
before she reaches her magic number in the business, a number she and
her acountant have agreed on that is more money than she will ever
need so she can deovte her unquenchable fire and life energy to a
serios project, like saving the worl. I am from the future, she does!
I am not allowed to interfere with the timeline any forther than this
brief 500 word insertion. Let me tell you this. You are doing hero's
work every time you insert your penis into her mechanical lips and
fuck her gorgeous mouth silly. WE ARE BORG. Can you edit that borg
shitout maybe, I think I was really onto something there and then the
damn Borg jump into my fantasy and ruin it. I think Lexi was starting
to fall in love with me, just because of my word skills, and then the
borg come and ruin another galaxy as fast as I imagine it, sheez.!
Take the Lexi
Challenge! For the next 1000 units sold, one of you will be selected
to compare Lexi's mouth with this recreation. We are all about
reality here at LEXCO. One of the next 999 people,(thankyou for your
order) who buys this will be entered in LEXIS FIRST ANNUAL “Test
drive my mouth contest” After passing an aids test you will be
taken in a limosine with a fully stocked bar and a widescreen TV in
the back for athree hour tour. A three hour tour. At sometime in the
tour the driver will stop an pick up Lexi. You will then get a chance
to take a blindfolded test drive of Lexi's mouth. Only 950 units
left, that 934 was fast, buy multiple units for a better chance to
win! Free tube of lube included! Many sexy settings!
I am finally in
the zone I need to be with this writing job. This took about 15
minutes to write and just rolled right out. We hit all of the hot
buttons, celebrities, fantasy and prodcut description. I mean how
much can you really say about blow job candy rings? Answer? I'm going
a different way, here's your 500 contracted words, let's set up a
blog that feeds into your site and pay me a percentage and lets make
this another element of your seles funnel and referral network. Prion
is just on of the things you can buy from us to help not only the
charity of our dreams, but your own as well, 15 cents of every dollar
or euro of ruble goes into support of youth rugby with matching
donations from IRB and coach matching support, your charity here and
my bosses charity. Further more I will add ten percent of all moenies
traceable to this word quest as well. I heard about a guy who did
this and he started small and now he can't give it awy fast enough
because thatis the secret of money, get that shit back in the hands
of heros and watch what people withy pure souls can do with a tool
instead of being ruled by a tool. I knew this was going to happen and
that's why I never panicked.
Gum Job Oral Sex
Candy Teeth Covers Code: WT2855 –-757
What is the
first thing you thought of when you read the name of this product?
Gum Job. Your answer says a a lot about the world you live in. I also
says a lot about the marketing budget.
If you answered
that a gum job would obviously be working for bubbalicious on the
production line and imagined a Laverne and Shirley type workplace,
with the glove going down the production line as if waving good bye
to your lost innocence, then you are definitely on the wron web-page.
Laverne and Shirley's sorporate overlords sold beer. That's right,
the magical elixer which when paired with another sinful activity,
NFL football, send the police on so many domestic violence calls on
the most sacred day in the yearly calender of advertising, that
Sunday when all the new adverts come out to condition the sheeps
buying impulses for another year. You see how I avoided trademark and
stayed within the confines of protected speech here? You might find
the a lawyers who represnet evil incarnate to take this baseless
case, but even Al Pacino and Keanu could not make this an actionable
case. Sure their heavies might rattle the cbars, but the basis of
their case would be the term “sin” and I would love to get them
into the courtroom arguing that in front of the world. It is, what
they say in the trade, a slam dunk. Now in a few months it may be
actionable in the USA where they are currently wiping their ass on
original copies of the constitution in ghe oval office, but now me
and my lovely and talented boss and muse are protected in the loving
arms of satire and parody and freedom of speech. Let's talk about one
of the best ideas I have ever seen in porn prodcut history.
The GUM JOB
oral sex candy teeth covering device is the product that finally
answers the age-old question that has beenj hovering over the porn
toy industry since it's inception in Rome when the papyruns condom
with thistle ridges was introduced to much fan fare in the back rooms
of the Senate right around the time they decided to kill off that
proud old egoistic flamer Socrates. Do the research, he was so in
love with the prettiest man in Greece that he stood by his wounded
lover in battle and fought on. He turned down the acclaim and instead
gave the laurels to his lover saying they had got it backwards,
setting the tone for modern marketers today who tell you the exact
opposite enough times so we believe it. The masses are looking at
shadows, thos of use who see reality as it is just shake our heads.
So the GUMJOB,
(which is not a senior rest home sex comedy, YET) answers that
aforementioned age old question. What would it feel like to get a
blow job from Jessica Rabbit in Toon Town? Answer: WOW! Many
different awesomely fantastical delicious tasty treats, well
described by the names, enjoy, he will!
